A Story for Sona

There was once a king and queen who lived in a lavish but empty kingdom. In all the world, they had only each other. For awhile, the king and queen were very happy. They loved each other, and their days were filled with laughter and dancing.

Time wore on (as time is apt to do) and soon the royal pair began to feel the weight of their empty kingdom. It weighed down on them like a burden, and though they loved each other even more than they did before, their laughter waned and they hardly ever danced.

The king, unwilling to bear the sadness on his queen's face, took her to the Shores of Sleep to walk along the water, in the hopes that he would see her smile again. The Shores of Sleep are different from other beaches--every grain of sand is a dream and the waves don't crash, they sing lullabies.

The Moon, queen of the Sky Kingdom, looked down on the regal couple along the beach, called to them,

"Why are you so sad? You have a kingdom, and you have each other."

The queen replied,

"Oh, Moon, we are so lonely. Look at all of your star-children! How happy you must be to always have them twinkling all around you."

The Moon thought on this, and said,

"I will send you one of my star-children. She is the most beautiful one of all, and I am sure you will all be happy. You must promise to care for her with all of your being."

The queen swore oaths and vowed, and her husband, the king, made his promises as well. Then, with a flash of light and stardust, the Moon-queen sent her most beautiful star-daughter to Earth, where she landed with a ripple in the water.

The queen gathered her robes about her and waded into the water to gather her child. She brought the baby back to the shore, where the smiling princess stole her new father's heart.

Smiling at last, the king and queen cradled their new treasure between them, and named her "Sona", which means "happiness" in our grand-parent's language.

And there were many more days of smiling and laughter and dancing.

At Home...Reluctantly

So here I am, recently graduated from college with a BFA in Art History--possibly the LEAST employable degree next to a BFA in Interpretive Dance--and instead of lazing about a parent's house, half-heartedly sending out resumes to potential dream jobs, I've suddenly found myself gainfully employed. As a stay at home mom. Or, to be irritating, a SAHM.

Needless to say, this is not what I imagined when I entered college 4 years ago. I imagined myself flitting into and subsequently taking the art world by storm, all while getting my Master's and PhD by the time I was 30.

Mr. Edwards (my boyfriend) got a (fairly) high paying internship with a game design company here in Austin, and I moved down here with our daughter after I finished writing my thesis. After about 3 days at home with the little one, I decided that I might need to either hari-kari or abduct our daughter and go someplace exotic, just to break the monotony.

I settled on trying to find a job.

I have very simple requirements in this department. First, any job I take has to pay more than the cost of childcare, or I'm throwing money away. Secondly, it can't be a job where I'm selling stuff. I'm bad at it, and I hate it. 20 resumes to 20 different Administrative Assistant jobs later, and here I am still, getting all dolled up (read: hair thrown in ponytail) for my trips to the HEB, and finding myself trying to have cogent, adult conversations with a two-year-old.

ME: "What do you think, Sona? Should we buy ground espresso or whole beans?"

SONA: "Boon, Mommy?" Boon being Two-inese for a balloon

ME: "You're right, I think the whole beans taste fresher, too."

Now I find myself faced with a dilemma. Staying at home can suck. It can be boring. It's hard work, doing all of the work of a maid, a cook, a nanny, an accountant, and a chaffeur for no pay. On the other hand, I've found myself entirely accustomed to the way Sona rounds the corner in her footie pajamas, her hair a disarray of little corkscrew curls. I find myself looking forward to the pre-nap stretch, when she climbs up on the couch and rests her little cheek against my collar bone and reaches up to grab a strand of hair.

Perhaps my reluctance is turning. If only I could have a conversation with anyone that isn't two or currently in a monogamous relationship with me.